I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize