i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Fuck appropriateness.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
