you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
