she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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