i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
