there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize