i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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