glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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