just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
