Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
