We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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