Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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