he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
