Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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