I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
