Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
