I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i dont even know how to be here
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
