I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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