Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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