My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
