if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
