worst night to have a conscience
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
