ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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