Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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