guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
