i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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