I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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