oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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