great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
