I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
