it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
