i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My underwear smells like fireworks.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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