laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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