I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
