so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
