I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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