the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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