I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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