idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
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