i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
