fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
