You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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