At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
its liver damage thursday
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