thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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