It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
