Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
