i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
