summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
