Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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