You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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