it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
