I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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