she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
