my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
