What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
