i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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