dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
