Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
