matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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