Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
