I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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