i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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