The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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