idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize