my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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