So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
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