the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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