Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
