the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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