im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
