You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
there is glitter all over my balls
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize