My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I use my feet as sexual weapons
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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