Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
