I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
