apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
