The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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