I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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