obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
