I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
