Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
as a side note pls kill me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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