i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Life is so much better after having sex.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
