She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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