Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
ok first of all what the fuck
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