the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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