How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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